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The first six months of Miles' life seemed to last, at the very least, a year and a half. He was a phenomenally cranky baby, didn't want to go to sleep, allergic to milk and, therefore, rashy and itchy until we figured it out. It was probably the most stressful time of my life. I loved my baby, but I had no idea what I was doing and it was so overwhelming. So why have another one? Because the second one is so much easier. I want to clarify that my desire to have a second child was not based on any false modesty on my part in thinking that I know what I am doing with this whole parenting thing. I don't, I make it up as I go along. However, it does feel gratifying knowing that my oldest child has made it to the age of 10 without any major trauma along the way. None of us has run away from home (as tempting as it seems sometimes) and we all still like each other, most of the time.
So I tempted the fates and went through hell and back to have my second baby. And...it's true. He is the best baby ever. It kind of makes me feel bad about how crabby I was with Miles, but he seems to have turned out okay, so I can't stress about it too much. And now Owen is 9 months old. I honestly have no idea where the time has gone. I feel like time is flying so fast I am afraid I am going to miss something important. He is already crawling and standing. He has teeth. He eats semi-solid foods. He will be in high school by next week, I know it. As I am typing this he is upstairs in his crib calling to me. When I go in his room he will be standing up waiting to greet me. Yay.
So, I haven't posted in a dog's age, but I feel compelled to do it now. In less than 39 hours I will be in the hospital giving birth to my second, and final, child. A lot has happened since I posted last. 2009 was a pretty shitty year all around. Erik's beloved grandfather who was best man at our wedding and basically his best friend, died in March. It was the worst thing ever, it all happened very quickly - a matter of weeks- which in a way is a blessing, but also tough to deal with. In the fall my aunt Janice passed away and we had to put our beloved Brain to sleep. I had Brain for 12 years - almost her entire life- and I really am not sure I will ever be able to think about her without tearing up. She was with me through a lot of stuff; two states, multiple houses, two husbands, good times and bad. She got sick very suddenly and there wasn't anything we could do without causing a lot of suffering, which may not have helped anyway. Making that decision was the hardest thing I have ever done and I am crying now just thinking about it. I was with her at the end and that makes me feel better, but it still hurts.
At the beginning of 2009 I had made a pact of sorts with myself that if I wasn't pregnant by the end of the year I was going to give up. In November I turned 33 and we had been trying for another baby for 4 years off and on. I finally went to the doctor and figured out what the problem was, but it still wasn't happening. I have the mindset that if something is meant to happen it will and I decided that if it hadn't happened by then, that was the sign I was meant to just have one. So, imagine my surprise when, two days before Christmas I peed on a stick and saw two lines! I was in shock, I had lost count of how many tests I had taken up to that point and they were always negative. So here we are with another boy coming the day after tomorrow. He is not due to be born until next week, but I am having a scheduled c-section at 7:45 in the morning on Tuesday August 24. We are ready for this baby to come, but I am still scared and nervous. I haven't had a baby in almost 10 years, hopefully I haven't forgotten how to do everything.
We never found out ahead of time what we were having with Miles, I really liked the idea of a surprise, but also we lived in a one bedroom apartment at the time and, therefore, had no nursery to decorate. Most of the things we had for him were hand-me-downs, so there wasn't much choice for us even if we had known. This time I thought I would feel the same way, but I decided very quickly that I wanted to know and Miles absolutely insisted we find out. We were anxiously awaiting my 20th week when I had an ultrasound scheduled so we could see if it was a boy or girl. Fate, however, stepped in when I had a abnormal test result that made it necessary for me to have an amniocentesis at around 16 weeks. They did an ultrasound along with it, but were unable to see any important parts during that. When the test results came back they first told me that everything was fine and then that we were having another boy! We are all very excited, especially Miles who is happy to have someone to pass his toys along to.
Who knows when I will have time or feel the need to post again. For now, I am off to put my feet up and enjoy the peace and quiet that will soon disappear.
I miss my cat. :(
The day after tomorrow is Thanksgiving, my least favorite holiday. Why do I hate it so much? Probably because my birthday occasionally falls on it and that pisses me off. I strongly dislike having to do things I don't want to do on my birthday. Speaking of that, yesterday I turned 33. So far it feels the same as 32 did, but I am sure it will set in eventually. I've been feeling old for a while now and I was cheered to realize that when my mother was 33 I wasn't even born yet. My child is eight, and he is only nine inches shorter than me. He is definitely his father's child.So on Thursday there will be 9-10 people eating dinner at my house. I honestly prefer having it here to going to someone else's house, that way I know I am getting what I want. I have many things to do in preparation; pies to bake, cleaning to do, and other crap I don't need to do, but probably will anyway because I am obsessed with making everything perfect. Right now Miles and Erik are in the living room watching 'The Wizard of Oz', which is, quite possibly, my least favorite movie of all time. It's weird and creepy with flying monkeys and midgets dressed up in rainbow-colored clothing. I am avoiding that room at all costs.
*sigh* Went to see New Kids on the Block at the Civic Center last night in Portland. It was awesome...I honestly didn't think I would care this much after 20 years, but I am totally speechless. A really great show, worth the wait and the money. I was slightly expecting to see middle-aged guys with guts prancing around the stage trying not to injure themselves. But they honestly look better now than when I was 13. *sigh*
School vacation is over. Most people are happy when their kids go back to school. I admit, I like not having to deal with child care issues, but I really hate making that kid's lunch. I don't know what it is about it, but whenever he has time off and I don't have to make him a lunch, I am ecstatic. He just announced he wants hot lunch tomorrow. Yay!!
Off to breathe.
So. It's the end of the year. It really amazes me how fast the years fly by the older you get. I am sure to Miles it seems like a lifetime, but to me it seems like a couple of months. I feel like I really got nothing done this year. I feel like I have procrastinated more than usual and that is never a good feeling. I don't remember what my resolution(s) were last year, but I find it unlikely I accomplished any of them, unless they involved putting things off and watching TV. I guess, looking back, it was a fairly stressful year. My mother breaking her hip was the highlight of that stress. She lived with both of us, and now she's back "occasionally" living with us until the snow banks are too high for her to climb over and she smartens the fuck up. Having your parents live with you is enough to drive someone to heavy drinking, and yet I seem to have given up drinking altogether. It's expensive, and it usually makes me feel like crap. I would just rather have a diet coke that doesn't give me a headache in the morning. I gave up smoking in 2007, but I did have a few slip-ups in 2008, mostly when my mother fell. Many people in my life will be happy to know, however, that I didn't buy any cigarettes the whole year. I was tempted, but for the most part I felt okay about the whole thing.
I am still working at my stupid job that I hate. I don't hate the job necessarily. The actual work that I do is not bad, and I like most of the people I work with. But they pay shit and a lot of the rules are stupid. And I have to work tomorrow at 6am. It could be worse, I could be unemployed. I am hopeful that in a year I won't be complaining about my job, but I am not going to hold my breath on that one.
I spent a lot of 2008 debating the whole baby issue. Three years ago when I stopped taking birth control, I was certain that was what I wanted. And then 2 years went by and it didn't happen. So then I started second guessing it because I have this whole mentality of things happen for a reason, yada, yada. Plus I was 2 years older and so was Miles and it started seeming like maybe less of a good idea. True, there were other things effecting my decision making at that time, but I felt it was better to err on the side of caution. Now it's been a year since I went back on the pill and I've decided it's now or never. The issues I was having that made me second-guess the idea are still there, but I have decided to just do it anyway. Basically if I haven't gotten pregnant by next year, I will officially give up. One of those issues is more prominent in my mind than ever lately, but I can't revolve my life around something that may never happen. So, this is my year to try, again, to get pregnant. Of course, I have made this decision and, thanks to my perioral dermatitis, I must wait some more. Conspiracy? Perhaps.
I guess to sum it up, 2008 was sort of an odd year. Notable for my mother's accident, but little else. I am hopeful for more interesting, and happy, things for 2009.
