Brain

I miss my cat. :(

Thanksgiving sucks

The day after tomorrow is Thanksgiving, my least favorite holiday. Why do I hate it so much? Probably because my birthday occasionally falls on it and that pisses me off. I strongly dislike having to do things I don't want to do on my birthday. Speaking of that, yesterday I turned 33. So far it feels the same as 32 did, but I am sure it will set in eventually. I've been feeling old for a while now and I was cheered to realize that when my mother was 33 I wasn't even born yet. My child is eight, and he is only nine inches shorter than me. He is definitely his father's child.

So on Thursday there will be 9-10 people eating dinner at my house. I honestly prefer having it here to going to someone else's house, that way I know I am getting what I want. I have many things to do in preparation; pies to bake, cleaning to do, and other crap I don't need to do, but probably will anyway because I am obsessed with making everything perfect.

Right now Miles and Erik are in the living room watching 'The Wizard of Oz', which is, quite possibly, my least favorite movie of all time. It's weird and creepy with flying monkeys and midgets dressed up in rainbow-colored clothing. I am avoiding that room at all costs.

I love New Kids on the Block

*sigh* Went to see New Kids on the Block at the Civic Center last night in Portland. It was awesome...I honestly didn't think I would care this much after 20 years, but I am totally speechless. A really great show, worth the wait and the money. I was slightly expecting to see middle-aged guys with guts prancing around the stage trying not to injure themselves. But they honestly look better now than when I was 13. *sigh*

No lunch for you!

School vacation is over. Most people are happy when their kids go back to school. I admit, I like not having to deal with child care issues, but I really hate making that kid's lunch. I don't know what it is about it, but whenever he has time off and I don't have to make him a lunch, I am ecstatic. He just announced he wants hot lunch tomorrow. Yay!!

Off to breathe.

Reflections on 2008

So. It's the end of the year. It really amazes me how fast the years fly by the older you get. I am sure to Miles it seems like a lifetime, but to me it seems like a couple of months. I feel like I really got nothing done this year. I feel like I have procrastinated more than usual and that is never a good feeling. I don't remember what my resolution(s) were last year, but I find it unlikely I accomplished any of them, unless they involved putting things off and watching TV. I guess, looking back, it was a fairly stressful year. My mother breaking her hip was the highlight of that stress. She lived with both of us, and now she's back "occasionally" living with us until the snow banks are too high for her to climb over and she smartens the fuck up. Having your parents live with you is enough to drive someone to heavy drinking, and yet I seem to have given up drinking altogether. It's expensive, and it usually makes me feel like crap. I would just rather have a diet coke that doesn't give me a headache in the morning. I gave up smoking in 2007, but I did have a few slip-ups in 2008, mostly when my mother fell. Many people in my life will be happy to know, however, that I didn't buy any cigarettes the whole year. I was tempted, but for the most part I felt okay about the whole thing.

I am still working at my stupid job that I hate. I don't hate the job necessarily. The actual work that I do is not bad, and I like most of the people I work with. But they pay shit and a lot of the rules are stupid. And I have to work tomorrow at 6am. It could be worse, I could be unemployed. I am hopeful that in a year I won't be complaining about my job, but I am not going to hold my breath on that one.

I spent a lot of 2008 debating the whole baby issue. Three years ago when I stopped taking birth control, I was certain that was what I wanted. And then 2 years went by and it didn't happen. So then I started second guessing it because I have this whole mentality of things happen for a reason, yada, yada. Plus I was 2 years older and so was Miles and it started seeming like maybe less of a good idea. True, there were other things effecting my decision making at that time, but I felt it was better to err on the side of caution. Now it's been a year since I went back on the pill and I've decided it's now or never. The issues I was having that made me second-guess the idea are still there, but I have decided to just do it anyway. Basically if I haven't gotten pregnant by next year, I will officially give up. One of those issues is more prominent in my mind than ever lately, but I can't revolve my life around something that may never happen. So, this is my year to try, again, to get pregnant. Of course, I have made this decision and, thanks to my perioral dermatitis, I must wait some more. Conspiracy? Perhaps.

I guess to sum it up, 2008 was sort of an odd year. Notable for my mother's accident, but little else. I am hopeful for more interesting, and happy, things for 2009.

i fucking hate people.

Pissed off-edness

Yes, I know. I haven't written in over a month. It's kind of like when you don't talk to someone for a long time and then you realize you have so much to tell them that you feel like you don't know where to start, so why bother. I don't think anyone really reads this anymore anyway, so it is mostly for my own sanity, as questionable as it is. I refuse to play catch-up. I figure the important stuff will come up eventually.

I am sick of caring about certain things in my life that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, and that I shouldn't even care about to begin with. Still, I care, and it pisses me off. I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment, and I've come to realize that this is why I am so confused and irritated about the "future". Because I don't fucking know what is going to fucking happen and it pisses me off. When someone figures it out let me know.

Off to be pissed.