Reflections on 2008

So. It's the end of the year. It really amazes me how fast the years fly by the older you get. I am sure to Miles it seems like a lifetime, but to me it seems like a couple of months. I feel like I really got nothing done this year. I feel like I have procrastinated more than usual and that is never a good feeling. I don't remember what my resolution(s) were last year, but I find it unlikely I accomplished any of them, unless they involved putting things off and watching TV. I guess, looking back, it was a fairly stressful year. My mother breaking her hip was the highlight of that stress. She lived with both of us, and now she's back "occasionally" living with us until the snow banks are too high for her to climb over and she smartens the fuck up. Having your parents live with you is enough to drive someone to heavy drinking, and yet I seem to have given up drinking altogether. It's expensive, and it usually makes me feel like crap. I would just rather have a diet coke that doesn't give me a headache in the morning. I gave up smoking in 2007, but I did have a few slip-ups in 2008, mostly when my mother fell. Many people in my life will be happy to know, however, that I didn't buy any cigarettes the whole year. I was tempted, but for the most part I felt okay about the whole thing.

I am still working at my stupid job that I hate. I don't hate the job necessarily. The actual work that I do is not bad, and I like most of the people I work with. But they pay shit and a lot of the rules are stupid. And I have to work tomorrow at 6am. It could be worse, I could be unemployed. I am hopeful that in a year I won't be complaining about my job, but I am not going to hold my breath on that one.

I spent a lot of 2008 debating the whole baby issue. Three years ago when I stopped taking birth control, I was certain that was what I wanted. And then 2 years went by and it didn't happen. So then I started second guessing it because I have this whole mentality of things happen for a reason, yada, yada. Plus I was 2 years older and so was Miles and it started seeming like maybe less of a good idea. True, there were other things effecting my decision making at that time, but I felt it was better to err on the side of caution. Now it's been a year since I went back on the pill and I've decided it's now or never. The issues I was having that made me second-guess the idea are still there, but I have decided to just do it anyway. Basically if I haven't gotten pregnant by next year, I will officially give up. One of those issues is more prominent in my mind than ever lately, but I can't revolve my life around something that may never happen. So, this is my year to try, again, to get pregnant. Of course, I have made this decision and, thanks to my perioral dermatitis, I must wait some more. Conspiracy? Perhaps.

I guess to sum it up, 2008 was sort of an odd year. Notable for my mother's accident, but little else. I am hopeful for more interesting, and happy, things for 2009.

i fucking hate people.

Pissed off-edness

Yes, I know. I haven't written in over a month. It's kind of like when you don't talk to someone for a long time and then you realize you have so much to tell them that you feel like you don't know where to start, so why bother. I don't think anyone really reads this anymore anyway, so it is mostly for my own sanity, as questionable as it is. I refuse to play catch-up. I figure the important stuff will come up eventually.

I am sick of caring about certain things in my life that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, and that I shouldn't even care about to begin with. Still, I care, and it pisses me off. I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment, and I've come to realize that this is why I am so confused and irritated about the "future". Because I don't fucking know what is going to fucking happen and it pisses me off. When someone figures it out let me know.

Off to be pissed.

Good times

I suck at this, apparently. My vacation came and went. It wasn't long enough and I had serious trouble going back to work. Last week Miles went back to school, which was sad and happy. Happy because I feel good knowing he is at school and learning and I am not entirely abandoning him by going to work everyday. Sad because I just can't believe he is in second grade. Parenthood is such a double-edged sword. You can't wait for your kids to grow up and get older, and then when they do you are devastated by it and wish for that time back. I love that he is older and I can talk to him about things and he will understand them. I love that he reads now so I don't have to explain everything to him. But, I miss when he used to pronounce things wrong like "tik top" instead of "tiptoe". I wanted another one, but I really don't think that is going to happen at this point. Too much time has passed and I am in a bad place with hating my job and having no money. I guess I should have done it before everything dried up, but I suppose it wasn't meant to be.

My stomach hurts. Between that and headaches, I feel like crap often. I just want to run away sometimes, but that stuff would come with me.

Off to complain.

Vacation!!

The most exciting part of this vacation thing for me is the fact that my alarm will not be going off at 4:30 in the morning for a long time. I don't mind working early in the morning because it works out well with Miles' schedule, but it is still nice to sleep past 5.

I stayed up late playing Guitar Hero 2 that we borrowed from my sister. Today Miles and I went to McDonald's for breakfast so he could play on the indoor playground they have. Then we went to Old Navy, where they are having a big sale, and bought him a bunch of clothes for school for not a lot of money. Most of the stuff we bought has skulls on it, I love that kid. Then we went to Wal-Mart and bought some stuff for our cookout tomorrow and a couple of more school things for him. He still needs shoes and supplies, but I feel good about our progress. I need to go to Shaw's later to get some more groceries, but I am waiting until Erik gets home.

Tomorrow is our cookout with Erik's family and Sunday I am going to a baby shower for my friend Missy. Aside from that I have nothing planned for the rest of my vacation. Lots of excitement I am sure.

Off to clean my house.

One more day!!

You would think that by my jubilant usage of punctuation that I would be in an awesome mood because I am so close to being on vacation. However, I still have one more day to get through, and it could be tough. Also, I got my car back, which should be a happy occasion, but I am really pissed off about it because they swear there is nothing wrong with it. Now I know I should be happy about that, and I am happy that it didn't' cost me anything, but it really ticks me off that my car has been sitting at the garage since Friday, when all it needed was more antifreeze. MORE ANTIFREEZE!! I had an issue on Friday when it started acting up because I called Erik and asked him to come get us in Topsham because I didn't dare drive it with antifreeze coming out and the temperature gauge on "hot". I figured he could come look at it and then we would determine what to do next. He absolutely insisted that I should call AAA to have the car towed. I thought I could wait until he got there in case it was something stupid that he could fix. Oh no, if it's leaking antifreeze the radiator must be busted and he can't fix that. So I reluctantly called AAA, waited on the phone forever with a loud kid in the backseat, and then had to give them my credit card number because apparently they only cover 5 miles of towing. Erik shows up in the middle of this, looks under the hood, and announces when I get off the phone that he thinks the cap was just loose and I can drive it home. AAAHHH!!! You would think it would be satisfying to be right so often, but it is really just maddening.

Off to think good thoughts.

So...close...

In 44 1/2 hours I will be officially on vacation. I am really beating this vacation thing to death, I realize, especially since I am actually going nowhere and doing nothing particularly special. People at work (yes, I have been driving all of them nuts, too, with my constant countdown) have been asking what I am doing on my time off, and all I can say is "not coming in here". I am going to do my best to avoid that place as much as is humanly possible. I am there 40 hours a week normally, I think I can survive 11 or 12 days without it.

Still no car. My stomach hurts virtually all the time, not sure what that is about. I promise this won't turn into another self-pity paragraph. On a more pleasant note, I have been really appreciating my husband lately. My husband is great, most of the time, but after 9 years it is easy to forget the good stuff and just focus on the things that annoy you. This whole pseudo-drama with my ex-husband is causing me to remember him and how much he sucked as a husband. He was a very important part of my life, but I am so happy I am not married to him anymore. I don't miss the dramatics and the temper tantrums. And Erik is way cuter. Plus, he's still here, that is a big plus.

Off to be domestic.