Sickness=suckiness

So I am sick. I don't know what it is exactly, but my throat hurts and I want to die. I guess that is bad.

I had a weekend that was not terribly exciting. The usual misunderstandings and me being wrong. Same old. We had frozen pizza for dinner last night. I am trying to eat better, but lately when it comes to dinner I have no motivation to cook. Maybe it is my shitty kitchen with no counter space. But I don't remember feeling like this before. I just never want to cook, and I love cooking. I don't know what the hell my problem is.

I am trying hard not to talk to someone. I feel like a broken record and I think that is just making things more difficult for this person. I think that if I just back off for a while I will feel better because I won't be complicating things for either of us. On the other hand, I don't want them to think I don't care. It is very complex and is stresses me out. I only want people to be happy, but sometimes I think that I make things harder for everyone. I am not completely certain that some of the major things that have happened in my life weren't all my idea. I think, perhaps, that I am very persuasive and, therefore, have made people do things they didn't necessarily want to do. I don't want that to happen again. My desire to be right and get my way should not rank above the need for happiness. Then, of course, it comes back to the big question of happiness. What makes me happy? I really don't know. I know some things that do. And I know a lot that makes me unhappy. I guess it changes along the way and I am just having trouble coping with the change. I like being right and knowing the answers. So all this shit just pisses me off.